On 40 and "Brave New World" and "1984".

Well, that's a pretty ambitious title, isn't it? On 5/21/2005, the day of the last of my posts here, I turned 40 years of age. While this is not uncommon, I will tell you that I have had reason to believe, at more than a few points in my life, that I would never do this. I don't mind it. I think I minded becoming 35, but not 40. Some friends and I went to a gun show at the Cow Palace Saturday morning and I drank not as much as I thought I might during the day. I was stunned to reach 25. 40 seems like a nice plateau on which to reflect. Thus:

I believe I know what it is to be in love and I know what it is to have that dream completely shattered. I think. That is I think I was in love with the woman who stabbed me, at least at some point, but I'm no longer sure. I mean, I don't know what 'being in love' means anymore. I don't know if I ever did. And it doesn't matter.

I know what it's like to be brought up 'right' and go 'wrong' and still end up 'right' by your own effort. I know what it's like to have a degree in chemistry that you have paid for and are no longer using. I know what it's like to pass out for 3 days from intentionally taking too many Mandrax. I know what it's like to have friends take turns sleeping next to you all that time to make sure you "don't choke on your own vomit or something"(Thank you Linda Smith, Diane Herrera and Dede (nee) Harrison(I don't know what her last name might be now)).

I know what it's like to watch the Sun come up over the desert(TX, NM, CA) , being hundreds of miles away from 'home', having nowhere to go, and knowing that the Sun may be your only friend and thriving on that.

I know what it's like to have people want to have you love them so much that they must destroy you.

The record that just ended(actually a CD copy of a cassette that I bought on the street for $1 a couple of years ago) was the Stranglers "Dreamtime" which came out in '86 or '87. I was 21 or 22 at this time. I had gotten my GED and was taking classes at Austin Community College so that I could transfer to UT without taking the SAT. I was, by this point, very well aware that this world was a very, very sad place and I had decided that it was in my power to make the best of it. Things were looking up. If I had been 12 going on 21, then I was now 22 going on 35. Most of what I've described(or alluded to) in the above paragraphs happened before this, some of it after. I once had a cassette of "Dreamtime" that I played in my '61 Cadillac driving to ACC. It got totaled when I was t-boned by someone going fast enough to bend a '61 Caddy frame with an Isuzu Trooper. Since he never even tried to stop there were no skid marks to measure by which to judge his speed. I was cited for failure to yield the right-of-way. There is a traffic light at that intersection(Avenue F & Koenig) now to keep from happening to others what happened to me.

Apropos of nothing except the current political situation, which looks a lot like the situation in 1981 or so(except worse) , I recently reread Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World' and I am currently rereading "1984". I haven't read either of these in over 20 years, since I was 16 or so. It's interesting to read what were "world-view shaping" books on the other side of quite a bit of experience.

They are very different works dealing with common themes. If one didn't know it in advance, it would not be surprising that the years between their publications('32 and '48 respectively) contained a brutal world war, one that certainly changed London(where they both take place) greatly. One theme that shows up in both that I may or may not have noticed 20 years ago is the 'desexualization' of the upper class. First obviously, they both deal explicitly with explicit class distinctions and in both the lower classes are pretty much left to their own, natural sexual devices. In "Brave new World" the upper classes are 'desexualized' by 'hypersexualization'. All passion and possession, jealousy and desire are removed from the sexual activities and expectations of the upper class(Alphas and Betas) because they are expected to have sex with as many people as possible. This is stated explicitly in one mantra expounded by the characters; "Everyone belongs to everyone else". And sex in this book is never for reproduction since natural reproduction is unnecessary.

In "1984" the 'proles' are the lower class left to deal with sex naturally while members of the Party are expected to engage in sexual relations only with their spouse and only for reproductive reasons. Indeed, Orwell says that the Party goes out of its way to select spouses that have no physical attraction for eachother. The female Party members actually wear red sashes signalling their membership in the Anti-Sex League.

Now that I think about it; of course I noticed this 24 years ago. If the politics of these works was only faintly understood, sexual inhibition or the lack thereof was an extremely important part of my daily life. I am asexual these days just because it's more trouble than it's worth. I've had enough over the years. I don't miss the sex. I miss my youthful ability to believe that lust was love, that sex was actually touching the other. I can't get drunk enough to be as naive these days.

Anyway, the other thing that I've come across in "1984", which was undoubtedly the more important of the 2 for post WWII residents of this planet, is the idea that the 'proles' hold some charm/intelligence that the indoctrinated do not. This probably had something to do with my early decisions to abandon school and set out for the world(I hitchhiked and rode trains across the western part of this country twice before I was 17).

I have lived and worked among the 'proles'(restaurant workers and such) for longer than I have worked among the corporate 'educated' class and I can tell you that the 'proles'(short for 'proletariat' if you haven't read the book) aren't necessarily smarter than the 'corps', but they are typically more fun, more imaginative and more realistic about the state of the world than are these 'educated' folks. We feed you people and you are not always on your best behavior when you are in public. You are occaisionally demanding, ill-mannered, loud and self-important. And we smile and give you what you want in exchange for your money(I very rarely get a tip of below 20%). This is the simplest form of business there is and, yet, not everyone can do it . Most of the 'corps' I have ever met wouldn't last a day or an hour on the floor of a Denny's much less the place I work. They are far too uninterested and uninteresting. And they have no style. That's the shame of it all. They spend their lives making money that they spend on ugly clothes. How boring.

Anyway, that is my birthday note to myself. No links, no rants, just the merest tad of didactism. If I was 35 going on 60, I am now 40 going on 25. There are a great many things I don't have to learn. So I can spend my time learning things that perhaps aren't as urgent. If most of my life until now has been spent making up for lost(in advance) time, I believe I have caught up and can make more informed decisions about how I will live.

For instance, it is now 9AM and I have the day off. I have been up since 5. I think I will have a beer and turn on Air America and get ready to do a little painting. Ciao.